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Hi... my name is XXX and I have used your services four times during the process of applying to XXX as an undergraduate business major. I am pleased to say that I was successfully admitted based on a strong appeal. I want to thank you VERY much for all the hard work that your staff put into helping me reach this very important goal in my life. I am the first in my family to go to college and I feel very fortunate to have had the assistance and support that your services have provided to me. In many ways, I feel indebted beyond the scope of payment for services rendered. The editing process not only helped me to gain admission, but it vastly improved the way in which I saw my own writing abilities. I feel my communication has been much clearer through the process of your staff's editing assistance, which will serve me well into the future. Again, I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to engage in this unique business and please let me know how I can be of any help to your staff. I will absolutely recommend this site to people in my circle both at my community college and at XXX, that is a guarantee. Unedited Version: Question: With on-line transactions being performed with ever-increasing frequency, hundreds of Web sites collect “personal” information about their customers on a daily basis. Do companies have an obligation to protect the privacy of their customers, or, conversely, do they have the right to collect and disperse consumer information at their own discretion? Should on-line privacy be regulated by governmental mandate, or is consumer protection the responsibility of the corporations and/or their customers?
Given the Internet’s borderless nature, many e-commerce companies are facing inconsistencies in the marketplace when is comes to regulations over online consumer privacy. Over the past decade, numerous surveys have been conducted internationally only to have found consistent and majority concerns about consumer online privacy. For example, Westin (1998) found that 81% of Internet users are concerned about threats to their privacy while online. While a more recent survey, by the Federal Trade Commission, of major e-commerce sites found that roughly 20% met FTC standards for protecting consumer privacy. The issue of online privacy seemed to reach peak levels when the European Union expressed deep concern last year that the U.S. standards of securing online privacy was too low. While the single-issue privacy concerns may be posting of privacy policies, freedom of consumers to limit use of their personal data, or the secure handling of all information given voluntarily or through the use of ‘cookies,’ the issue of online privacy is crucial to the development of the e-commerce industry. The Clinton administration has long been strongly advocated a laissez-faire approach despite a tough new European Union privacy directive that has threatened to disrupt electronic commerce between the United States and Europe. Although Clinton stated in a commencement speech at Eastern Michigan University last May, “We can’t let breakthroughs in technology break down the walls of privacy. We must be able to enjoy the benefits of technology without sacrificing our privacy.” Many online marketers have endorsed self-regulation, citing that federal intervention could ruin e-commerce entirely. In the effort of scrutinizing the existing ’self-regulation,’ it is clear that the consumer’s groups and government are still weary of most of the privacy statements of major Internet companies mainly because they are contradictory, hard to find, and subject to change which is deficient of any mechanisms of enforcement or redress by law.
On May 22, 2000, three of the five FTC commissioners favored new laws to protect consumer’s privacy online. While the FTC has recognized that the majority of large businesses have been getting the message of consumers and government interest, there are many more problems that arise with the inconsistencies of the smaller companies, and the overall distribution and sale of personal information to third parties. While widespread inconsistencies such as DoubleClick’s acquisition of Abacus are very hard to ignore, many smaller and struggling Internet companies could find it detrimental to their success to comply with new rules. Despite all of the industry’s attempts to self-regulate the consumer privacy issue, much of their findings are based upon the failure of sites to give consumers access to information that is collected about them. Both minor and major e-commerce companies have not entirely accepted this recommendation, in part because it is difficult and costly to implement. Consumer advocates have also expressed dissatisfaction for those companies where, in companies that state their statements of ‘Privacy policies,’ that the language of these cautions as ambiguous and confusing. For those that are also clear, the warnings and instructions are not standardized.
Critique Your own vocabulary is strong, and your words well-chosen, yet we tried to broaden your diction and use more suitable words wherever possible. We also removed portions of sentences if we thought they were unnecessary or that they cluttered your ideas. On the other hand, we inserted some phrases and even entire statements to clarify your thoughts. Since you expressed dissatisfaction with your thesis and conclusion, you will find that we made some changes there (although we felt the conclusion was relatively fine). Awkward sentences were revised, and we varied your sentence structure to keep the reader interested in the writing. |